February 25, 2025
Final week, I posted in regards to the sacredness of intercourse.
So this week, I’m impressed to proceed with the subject of intercourse, specifically, the potential cheapening of it.
For those who’re a lady studying this, particularly if you happen to’re a married or soon-to-be-married girl, it’s possible you’ll not need to tune out. It’s vital to know what goes by a man’s mind if he occurs to be doing the vast majority of his pondering with that particular organ, which you’ll quickly discover out will not be essentially the case.
For those who’re a man, then undoubtedly hold studying. It may prevent numerous hassle sooner or later.
Intercourse & The Touring Businessman
Right here’s the factor: I journey a LOT for work.
Whether or not educating vitamin at a yoga clinic in South America, blasting onto a stage in a packed Vegas convention room, or (as is the case whereas I’m penning this) visiting 9 cities in twelve days throughout India for entrepreneur well being teaching, one of many main methods I carry residence the bacon to feed my household is by spending loads of time in airplanes and lodge rooms.
For a lot of that journey, I’m 100% solo. 
Meaning I’m a married man touring alone—with no spouse, no wingman, and practically nonexistent accountability—whereas additionally, as a result of my standing as a public determine perceived as wholesome, highly effective, and influential, often encountering a plethora of enticing, aggressive girls who make their intentions clear, whether or not by Instagram booty calls, not-so-subtle touches, or outright propositions to “get in my pants,” so to talk. And that’s not even contemplating the infinite entry to pornography on my tv and smartphone, out there anytime with out the necessity to sneak away or cover. In spite of everything, as I discussed, I’m normally alone.
As you may think about, fixed sexual temptation is one thing I’ve needed to study to take care of gracefully and virtuously, particularly by maintaining my pants on and my tongue in my very own mouth.
Admittedly, there was a time after I didn’t do an excellent job coping with all of it. The flattery, the short-term pleasure, and the justifications to myself {that a} one-night stand isn’t actually an emotionally connected or a long-term relationship left me coming residence a number of instances to my household having been sexually untrue and having to cover my very own lack of ethical excellence for concern of being shamed.
It’s in regards to the worst feeling on the earth to take your spouse out on a date after a bout of journey escapades and attempt to shut down the psychological scream inside your head that you simply’ve cheated on the harmless and trusting life companion sitting throughout from you. It’s additionally shattering, as a hypocritical father, to lecture your sons about faithfulness whereas imagining them rising as much as be similar to you—violating their relationship with their very own wives and households. It’s vital to notice that the few seconds of delight derived from a short-term hookup are by no means, ever, ever value it. You principally hate your self afterward. It’s horrible, and it’s by no means fulfilling. Ever.
Contemplating it is a large downside that tears households aside, destroys legacy, and implodes residence life, it’s one thing that it’s worthwhile to deeply care about if you happen to’re a married man or future married man studying this, particularly if you happen to journey typically like I do. I think I can’t be the one married man on the market who has to navigate this path.
However, if you happen to’re nonetheless studying at this level, you most likely already know that the traditional infidelity of the touring businessman is an enormous downside.
Whereas it’s definitely vital to know the chaos that unfaithfulness, whether or not in analog or digital type, wreaks upon your closest, dearest relationships, it’s simply as vital to know what precisely to do about it.
So, that’s what I’m going to share now: seven sensible ideas, from the trenches, on how I’ve—by the grace of God—developed a thick-skinned resilience to sexual immorality, how I’ve remodeled my relationship with my spouse by over a decade of devoted faithfulness, and how one can too.
1. Pray
God doesn’t need you to cheat.
Whereas Romans 5:3-5 says that tribulation produces perseverance, and perseverance, character, this doesn’t imply God is haphazardly tossing temptations your means with no means of escape, all whereas rubbing His fingers collectively and ready so that you can succumb to inevitable demise. The Bible says that God is not going to tempt you past your potential and that He will present a means out of temptation. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has overtaken you besides what’s frequent to mankind. And God is trustworthy; he is not going to allow you to be tempted past what you may bear.”
Moreover, Matthew 26:41 says, “Watch and pray that you could be not enter into temptation. The spirit certainly is prepared, however the flesh is weak”
It’s painfully apparent, isn’t it? Bear in mind and pray when you understand temptation is coming at you.
That is simpler stated than executed. You possibly can’t precisely drop to your knees at a cocktail occasion when a beautiful girl in a slinky, brief skirt is stroking your arm—telling you together with her lips how a lot she admires what you’ve completed whereas telling you together with her eyes that she’d like to perform one thing for you herself.
I’ll let you know precisely what works for me in a scenario like this: I excuse myself to a nook of the bar, duck behind a curtain, or slip into a toilet stall and say one easy prayer that simply works. It’s referred to as “the Jesus prayer.”
“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
This works like magic. You possibly can nearly really feel the sexual demons slipping away whenever you say it. Jesus understands. He’s been there. Hebrews 4:15 says, “He was tempted in each means that we’re, however he didn’t sin.”
And positive, you need to preserve a continuing state of prayer that goes deeper than only a single sentence. However whenever you’re in a pinch—your lust accelerating to full velocity, your physique betraying you, and also you want a determined name for Christ who strengthens you—that is the prayer to have memorized. I take advantage of it typically.
2. Empathize
Anytime I’m tempted to ask a lady into my lodge room or pull up porn on my laptop computer, I think about how I’d really feel if I walked in on my spouse doing the identical factor. Put your self in her footwear.
The following time you’re feeling like masturbating to porn, ask your self how you’ll really feel if you happen to walked in on her within the bed room pleasuring herself to some random dude on the display screen of her smartphone together with his pants pulled down.
Or let’s say a lady on the lodge bar, or perhaps two, asks what you’re as much as later and what your room quantity is. Certain, this feels like a unbelievable time, however how would you’re feeling if you happen to acquired residence and walked in in your spouse with one man beneath her and one other behind her?
I throw up in my mouth simply excited about a dude or two banging my spouse. So how is it any completely different for me to entertain the thought of doing the identical factor with girls?
It doesn’t need to be as excessive as that. For instance, must you need your spouse speaking to an alpha male at a convention afterparty the identical means you’re standing in actually, actually shut proximity to that girl batting her eyes at you? Would you need your spouse getting a rub-down from a heartthrob male therapeutic massage therapist? Would you need her giving facet hugs, bear hugs, and again rubs to random dudes when she’s off on a visit?
So don’t do to her what you wouldn’t need executed to you.
By the best way, though I do choose the tender contact of a feminine therapeutic massage therapist, I at all times select the ugly or actually outdated ones if I want some deep tissue work after I’m on the street.
3. Sleep
Typically you simply gotta get your ass to sleep. The later you keep at an after-party, the crazier it will get. The later you hang around on the bar or restaurant, the extra determined and aggressive the alternative intercourse acts. The later you keep awake in your lodge room, the extra interesting free porn turns into.
In the case of each morality and productiveness, I reside by the mentality that ‘extra good issues occur within the morning than within the night.’ Within the morning, you learn, pray, work, stretch, train, and drink espresso. Within the night, you eat, make small speak, eat leisure, lounge round, or sit an excessive amount of—and infrequently, you drink alcohol.
So fall asleep, already.
Once more, it is simpler stated than executed, proper?
Right here’s how I paint myself right into a nook: after I stroll into my lodge room, even when there’s FOMO brewing in my mind to go hit one other occasion or an interesting textual content on my telephone from some hottie I met a couple of hours earlier, I instantly implement good sleep hygiene ideas, specifically:
- Flip the temperature down as little as it goes.
- Put your telephone and laptop in night time mode and/or airplane mode.
- Pop your sleep cocktail of selection (to not get all commercialized right here, however I do Kion Sleep + Aspect Well being Max Energy CBD + a whopping sledgehammer of Mitozen Melatonin).
- Play some actually enjoyable sleep noise or a white noise sleep app.
- Get the room as darkish as doable, and I imply actually darkish.
- Pull on a sleep masks, curl up in mattress, and say your prayers.
Sure, I do know if I have been an actual robust man and a very robust Christian, I ought to give you the option to withstand temptation by sheer prayer and a contact of willpower, with out inducing a near-comatose sleep state.
However I’m simply sharing what works for me.
4. Porn
You most likely raised an eyebrow at that one, proper?
No, I’m not endorsing that you simply whip out your bank card and whip down your pants whereas justifying to your self that not less than you’re not dishonest with an actual human. The nice of turning down analog intercourse doesn’t justify the ugliness of turning to digital intercourse.
I’m speaking about wifey-porn, guys.
You realize that “hidden” picture function in your telephone? It’s not only for storing a financial institution assertion picture or Bitcoin passphrase screenshots.
Think about politely asking your spouse to do a photograph shoot for you.
A very soiled one.
Inform her your favourite poses, positions, and fantasies, then let her go to city and textual content or Airdrop you every part. Be at liberty so as to add a bit extra to your partner’s spank financial institution arsenal whenever you’re making love together with her (tip: use a tripod if you happen to don’t need to kill the vibe by cradling your telephone in a single hand and her within the different). In case your spiritual or religious convictions make you query whether or not wifey porn is correct, check out the softcore poetry within the Bible’s Track of Solomon for some inspiration.
Then, the subsequent time you’ve been on a street journey for a couple of days and have blue balls, or it’s worthwhile to don’t have anything in your thoughts however her, open that hidden picture folder and proceed to have a very, actually good time with your self.
And to not be painfully apparent, however if you happen to use this technique, please don’t share your telephone passcode together with your youngsters. You do not need them attempting to erase these photographs from their reminiscence whereas mother is making them breakfast within the kitchen.
P.S. Do share your telephone passcode together with your spouse. She ought to have the ability to see all of your texts, calls, browser historical past, and so forth. each time she likes. That too will assist hold you behaving.
5. Train
Certain, your pure testosterone ranges when away out of your partner coupled together with your pent-up sexual vigor generally is a potent mixture to make you ultra-horny.
However that doesn’t imply that further power must be directed in direction of intercourse or jacking off. It additionally doesn’t imply you need to attempt to tie a rubber band round your testicles or search out some sort of libido-decreasing herb.
As an alternative, there’s nothing like an excellent exercise routine, particularly a soul-crushing, death-defying bout that leaves lactic acid bleeding out of your ears, to make you a bit extra calm and higher behaved afterward.
As a matter of truth, my exercise routine on the street is very devoted and actually laborious. I by no means skip a beat as a result of it serves as a cathartic stress launch—and from expertise, I can let you know that it significantly turns down the lust dial.
For instance, on a mean street journey, I’ll alternate between:
- Push day (overhead press, bench press, push-up, squat, leg press, and so forth.).
- Pull day (pull-up, pull-down, row, deadlift, and so forth.).
- Core/cardio day (rowing machine, treadmill, bike, planks, leg raises, and so forth.).
I like to recommend having an in depth plan like mine put collectively earlier than you even arrive at your last vacation spot. Paired with making issues as frictionless as doable by having your exercise garments and footwear laid out for you subsequent to the mattress and a powerful cup of espresso inside arm’s attain, you’ll have the ability to direct a few of that “life drive” in direction of muscle-building as an alternative of home-wrecking.
6. Name-A-Good friend
Typically, issues get actually robust, and it appears like you may’t deal with it alone with simply you and God. Typically, you want a pal to step in and warn you earlier than you cost headfirst into catastrophe—sort of like a rutting male elk, so pushed by intuition as an alternative of knowledge that he doesn’t understand he’s about to stroll straight right into a searching blind.
It’s these instances for which you want a digital wingman from afar—a man pal with whom you may share your most embarrassing ideas and susceptible tendencies.
That is the pal who you may textual content or name everytime you want and who understands you and will get it whenever you name him at 11:18 pm on a Saturday night time sweating bullets since you nearly made a mistake that might price you half your belongings and no extra Christmas together with your in-laws.
You assume that’s too humiliating?
Look: all of us guys undergo the identical struggles that you simply do. The issue is, we simply don’t speak about it with one another. However we’ve all thought and skilled the identical issues, besides perhaps that Ned Flanders-esque pal who looks like he in some way left his libido in sixth grade.
Visitor Emeal Zwayne on The Dad Edge podcast eloquently described this concept of males being embarrassed to share their sexual struggles and temptations with different males. His e book, Combat Like A Man, goes into way more depth on this subject than this transient article and is value a learn, particularly if you happen to want a very detailed, well-written handbook for private purity.
So, speak in confidence to a buddy. Be susceptible—whether or not it’s asking him to wish so that you can stop happening the slippery Instagram softcore-to-Web-porn-hardcore rabbit gap or to verify in on you on daily basis till you’re again residence to be sure to keep trustworthy. Belief me, he’d need you to do the identical for him, and this type of uncooked, trustworthy, radical transparency is what deepens the bonds of male friendship.
7. Construct Legacy
This final tip is by far essentially the most highly effective for me.
Two years in the past, whereas in India, I used to be interviewed by entrepreneur Mukesh Bansal. The dialogue turned to anti-aging, longevity, and—as such discussions typically do—finally progressed into the thought of whether or not I assumed human immortality was attainable.
I stated “Sure.”
And I didn’t imply that I figured we’d finally decode cryopreservation of our brains and repeatedly implant them right into a recent new physique again and again, in perpetuity. Nor did I imply that I anticipate that at some point quickly we may mainline designer medication into our bloodstream to show again the clock without end. Nor was I even referring to the immortality attained by Christian salvation.
As an alternative, I described how a person’s offspring permits that man’s ideas, philosophies, targets, goals, and needs to be carried out by subsequent generations who occur to bear his genes and final title.
That is one motive legacy is so, so vital within the Greenfield residence. We’ve got a household mission assertion, a household set of core values, a household emblem, a household crest, and a household structure. Heck, we even have the Greenfield household flags flying proudly outdoors the entrance door, the Greenfield household emblem on the massive signal on the finish of the driveway, and Greenfield household pickleball paddles, pepper grinder, cup coasters, throw pillows, hoodies, and hats we put on for an evening out in town. Woven into our yearly traditions and each day comings and goings is the sense that we’re a powerful household unit with a shared perception and objective and that by working collectively as a cohesive pack we will truly have an effect on long-term constructive change on the earth.
Possibly for this reason males who turn into fathers expertise a slight lower in testosterone. It’s as if now we have a built-in braking system on our pure propensity to sow our seeds far and large in order that we will as an alternative give attention to offering for and defending our household—in order that we will, in a means, reside on without end by our lineage.
Clearly, nevertheless, there’s nonetheless greater than sufficient testosterone within the common household man to make sexual sin a tormenting actuality. However when there’s an urge to cheat, to weaken the bonds of a spousal relationship with porn, to surrender and stroll away from household life as a result of it’s simply too advanced and difficult, or to fly free like your attractive inner fowl typically needs to, there’s nothing like a powerful sense of legacy to maintain your ft firmly grounded.
What do you select, and what appears extra interesting? The long-term reward of this type of “immortality” constructed by generational legacy…
…or the short-term pleasure of a thirty-second orgasm?
Don’t fret in case your kids are already youngsters, you don’t have a household structure, and objective and legacy don’t really feel like they’re a remotely vital a part of your loved ones. In spite of everything, the perfect time to plant a tree is twenty years in the past, or as we speak. If you wish to study extra about constructing generational wealth, take heed to my podcast interview with Wealthy Christiansen or learn my e book Boundless Parenting.
Abstract
OK, a fast overview right here.
First, pray. Pray quite a bit whenever you journey, however have some brief prayers memorized for when the blood stream appears to be getting directed away out of your mind and in direction of your crotch.
Second, empathize. Put your self in her footwear.
Third, know learn how to induce your self right into a comatose-like sleep state.
Fourth, have your spouse provide you with some actually attractive images and movies of her, ideally specific sufficient to go away nothing to your creativeness.
Fifth, train. Redirect power.
Sixth, have a wingman.
Seventh, and most significantly, construct the sort of legacy that makes dishonest appear to pale compared to generation-building.
So there you will have it.
That’s how I don’t cheat after I journey.
After all, I’m not excellent. I’m no know-it-all. There are issues I don’t do but that I most likely ought to and issues I unnoticed of this text I most likely shouldn’t have.
So, what questions do you will have, and what ideas do you have for the fellows on the market who need to keep trustworthy?
Moreover, listed here are a couple of different nice assets you may dig into on the subject on intercourse, intimacy, and connection:
- Better of Intimacy and Biohacking Intercourse: Optimize Libido, Orgasm Enhancement, Thrust In Time, Higher Erections Naturally, Breathwork & Extra.
- Enhance Your Intercourse Life: 12 Biohacks for Higher Orgasms, Sexual Well being & Intimacy
